I asked my son again, if she is his girlfriend, and said, no! But if we could prevent that, if he could trust us his family who loves him unconditionally and forever, could he rethink this choice? Tell him that it was just so upsetting to see your precious son headed towards problems in life that could be avoided. Then the exams started and they chose to see each other on the Saturday. Please advise. First, you might want to have a sit down with your son. And don't discount the importance and bonding of great sex. This is where all of your loving parenting in the past will be put to a test: Will he trust you over his girlfriend? The girl was sitting on the couch while my son sitting on the floor in between the girl's legs. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. She has had very bad comments that show that she disapproves of our relationship in front of family members and others. I am a stepdad to an 18/19 yo son, and yes I do mean son, as that is how I see him, and not my stepson. He doesn't recognize it but he is being passive-aggressive. My son now knows this and will never let love for a girlfriend break our relationship. If they are meant to be together, there is nothing you can do about it. Can I Use Apple Cider Vinegar for Babies? As the mother of your child and your future wife, she deserves your loyalty and devotion. She is a sad mixed up little kid who turned 18 yesterday but has been living a life of an 18 year old for two years anyway. she is very disrespectful called me a bitch to my face, has went off on me in my home, has called my husband a motherfucker to his face and has changed my son for the worse. "The kids really love her." If I were you, I would be humble enough to apologize to my son. For the first 8 months we got along very well. You don't have to start planning the wedding or be overly indulgent and supportive of the relationship but just warm, friendly and loving. Any advice for us.his siblings miss him terribly, and so do his father and I! You know relationships have bumps in the road. But it is gonna be a hard task to accomplish. Needs constant contact, validation, and attention. Never put her on the spot, especially when other family members are present. There have been several instances when we would see her mom and when we did, she always had a comment to make about the kids. I would say some of the things here but I don't want to offend anyone. In otherwise healthy, mature people, the thrill of life comes from love, discovery, learning or adrenaline-inducing experiences. Where is this leading him? She met him during his LAST semester of college and moved into his small dorm (apt) room in an apt that 3 other young men shared. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, on My Sons Girlfriend Is Manipulative 3 Ways To Cope, 1. Will she take him away from us? She talks about her own mother like she is trash and she is not. Kids don't realize that hearts do mend. Everyone has value. For now, don't tell your fianc about all this. They began dating when she was 16 and he 17. When you consistently cook and clean for him, even if he didn't ask you to, he gets accustomed to full-on mom treatment. He has not shared this information with me yet (only Dad supposedly knows). Good luck. Kimberly! Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. However, it would be a tragedy to hang on and settle for a so-so relationship only to run into the love of your life later on when you're committed to this dissatisfying one. Confronting them will not likely end well. We have carted them about, they never offer petrol. Take the initiative when you sense genuine estrangement. Non-judgmental. The parents only work a few hours a week because they are on state insurance and if they go over hour then they lose the insurance! By. It actually felt good just to vent and get another opinion! I thought this was bad enough! Within 1 1/2 years, she has had five jobs. I wish you success in this. my ex comes as frequently to visit our grandson as he can. He hasn't married her yet. He is going to hang on until she or he discover that there is more out there than each other. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. He has allowed her to disrespect me in every sense of the word. I have a son, only child, he just turned 18 and just graduated from high school. It is like his new best friend is her 43 yr old father. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on December 24, 2012: Don't make a big deal about their engagement. If he wants private time with her which is an adult privilege, he needs to own up to that adult responsibility of having his own place. Scarlet announced to my son that she was going to get her kids and bring them to live with them and she can't/won't pay anything. Do you still talk to your son and express that his family loves and misses him? If he were going to give his own son advice if he were going to marry a woman like his fianc, what would he say to his son? It's no longer about what you want for him or what you think is best for him. As if the first meeting wasn't bad, within two weeks of moving in, she was begging to have his baby. We just want him to have a healthy relationship that does include friends and other people rather than so wrapped up around this family with no responsibilities and can come and go as he pleases at their house. His girlfriend couldn't choose between them. Girlfriends come and go. Why not invite them both to join you and your family for dinner. What can I do? During that time, my son was dating this new woman and she was still pregnant and also directly after the birth of her child. So my question is, what should I do? Kimberly Atkins from Cameron, NC on May 26, 2018: This article gave me a different perspective and some things to consider on my sons relationship. How to Choose the Right Toddler Girl Outdoor Coat? Sometimes, mothers assume their children know they are loved but it is important to express it in words as well as actions. I'm sorry if I'm not giving you the answers you wanted to hear, but they are the answers that will help you save your long-term relationship with your son which is more important than being right or getting him to comply with what you think is best for him. My son's girlfriend doesn't like me and has banned me from visiting the house, I am not allowed to attend family birthdays or other events like Christmas, Easter etc. I once had a dream that my family was outdoors in the backyard, enjoying our sweet kitties. Parenting reaches a whole new level of complications when your precious little boy becomes aware of their sexual feelings. Your sweet, humble wife will not be threatened by it and your mother's insecure ego will be soothed. Hopefully, your son can get some counseling because he's overstepped into territory that is out of your area of expertise. After her relentless begging, I decided to let her move in because I thought the only way he is going to know her is to live with her. Tell him that you want him to be sure about this decision. I greatly appreciate your feedback. We need to question why this girl attracts him. Her clothing, car, finances, education, family background, and hobbies are compatibility matters for your son to think about. Published Jun 16, 2015. Her mother sees your disapproval as meddling and controlling your son's life. Let other life situations, including their immaturity, test their relationship. Not putting her down at all, but expressing that she just wasn't going to be the one to make him happy. And now that he is lying to me and looks like he's protecting her from me, I feel so betrayed! Address: 20 - 22 Wenlock Road, London, N1 7GU You must re-establish a connection with your son and you can do it only through love and humility. She reached out to you to get to know you better and was met with suspicion and accusations. He always say "no or I don't have girlfriend" whenever I ask him questions like that. While kids might seem honestly happy with their dating or personal lifestyle, as a parent, you can tell that they are in a controlling or abusive relationship. She asked my husband for money, my son has said if she sees we are helping him out Financial she might eventually come round. We helped him buy his first flat, his family all chipped in to help, he had a good job, then things changed again when he met a new girl, she has a child and is a few years older again like the last. I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills. Other obvious signs that should prompt you to take action on this matter are: Also, parents need to understand why their sons commit to any manipulative relationship before taking any action. Explain your concerns but follow them with, I will respect your choice and love you no matter what.. I asked him 3 times and said no! Get off to a good start by striking up friendly conversation and demonstrating your genuine desire to know her better. I will be praying for you! then when his guy friends tried to warn him, he "lost touch" with them. Never says hello, thank you, etc. nice! The pros and cons of social media (like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Google+, and Tumblr) on teenagers. Explain to him how his girlfriends behaviour is undesirable. Don't give up. They want to make their own decisions and live as they like. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on January 13, 2013: For those struggling with difficult son's girlfriend issues, please read about a very helpful dream in which a mother was given remarkable advice to follow. I didn't critize her when she relayed through my son, how mean it was of me to overlook doing something for her to celebrate her first mother's day. Ok, that was a year ago. Then she became extremely hateful cussing my fiance and making threats to bust him in the mouth. He gets esteem from that. He has a girlfriend and we allowed her to come stay in our home 3 nights a week. Telling your son that there will be other girls in his future won't help. You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. HOWEVER, you can tell your son that if the child's school gets involved, he and his girlfriend will be reported for neglect and this can cause him to lose custody of his child. She made physical threats and destroyed any hope of acceptance again. He has began college on a full scholarship but lives at home. Concentrate on your relationship with him. At 18, he has the right to live as he chooses. The Debater. Lesson learned! Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on October 07, 2014: This is not a blog but a "hub" or article that uses one of the Hubpages templates. The right girl for him will love his family, too, because his family is a big part of him and who he is. enlightenment yoga in astrology; frangible bullet wound. As a mother, you're concerned about your son getting involved in a committed relationship at such a young age, and that is completely understandable. Afterward, half shut." I have been helping my mom during this time. I have no idea why or what we ever did to make her this way, but she has always been the same. Civil towards her. Its normal for your adolescent boy to separate from his family. Don't nag him about college or breaking up with her. His father and I have tried to reason with both of them. But he might have to see that "her love" isn't so healthy--or true. My son has a three year toddler who is in speech therapy because of delays in his development resulting from his neglectful mother. Let him know that as his mother, you will always love him and support him in finding his happiness. I explained to her the reason. Talk to him one-on-one. ", "Your life, your choice, son. Please seek legal counsel. Is that what he wanted? But he might have found his life mate at an early age. Same for the drugs and drinking as they are underage and you could be in big trouble for allowing it in your house. My husband ignore what he saw but he told me about it. I got him home, cleaned him up (she had dragged him down in just a few short months) - he was dirty and stinky! What d you do in this case ? He began to see our points, and he broke up with this girl. They will remember all of your loving care you gave them through the years and eventually, they will change their behavior towards you. This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. It's important not to judge the girl or he will rush to her defense. My father passed away the day before Mother's day . But it is your house so you can draw some lines: She can't sleep over. That is no small thing and in fact, can still save him. Whenever I see my son, I know he's been with her because his clothes smell like a forest fire. My girlfriend does not live with me either as she is studying at a distant college. Let her know that you gladly help support your "future wife" in her studies because you love her, you know she will be a great help to those she attends, and that she is anxious to help support the family financially as well. She's the one with the closest relationships to all involved. I always tell him to be honest and don't lie to me if ever she likes someone else so I know whats going on with him. However, when viewed through your son's eyes, you're disapproving of his relationship with the girl he loves. He ended them all to his advantage. But those first loves are the hardest to get over. The scary part is - now that he is doing well and fully supporting her - it is gonna be 10 times harder to get rid of her. I know this is probably the lesson in it all. Unfortunately, your deeply in love son may not yet be in a position to differentiate an unhealthy relationship from a healthy one. I have relived the last 1-1/2 years over and over in my mind. She may even be jealous of your guy friends. I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. In a gentle manner, make it clear to your mother that you and the mother of your child will be married soon. They have been together for1 year. She claims to be a witch. Plus, she is the mother of your one-year-old. My girlfriend is a very nice person and she likes my family and my children love her a lot, even though they are not hers but my mom has shown signs and comments of having a problem with the fact that I support her at times, even financially. Another persons perspective might help him see his girlfriend for who she is. Everything she puts my grandson is has stains on and is usually filthy. He ended up in the psych center twice, cops wold get called to my house while I'd be at work, he dropped out of school due to the constant drama.
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