It was my first job ever, I worked part time for a store that primarily sold video games and video game accessories. I wouldnt necessarily invite someone Id met in this compartmentalized way to my home. It is a safe bet that they're all just doing their job. Disclaimer: I have never worked in retail, so Ive never had this experience. Q: What should I do if the cashier rejects my invitation? I think people are going a little overboard with the sexual objectification and harassment-type comments. Long ago, when I was in college, I asked out a nice, cute guy who worked at a retail store I frequented. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. The employee feels panicked and caught between a rock and a hard place, like he may not be able to turn the customer down without pulling down the wrath of management, and what had been a friendly encounter now turns into a recurring nauseating anxiety. just joking. Continue with Recommended Cookies, Would you be interested in going out sometime?. Oh, sure. Its how our brains are wired up. This is different, though, from approaching the object of affection. Communicating that it's no big deal if she says no shows confidence, and also shows that you haven't been writing romantic poetry thinking about her for the last six months while you have no idea who she is (creepy-creepy) rather you're just interested in getting to know her and have a drink. He came and then asked me on a date afterward. I mean, aside from the 95% factor, she may have a prior engagement that night, so her failure to appear is not even a rejection, and she doesn't want to worry about you feeling like it was. Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. The degrees of freedom available Sadly she wasn't in today when I was. It is not out of the realm of possibility that someone might make a complaint, factual or otherwise, about a retail worker who turned him/her down. I have no doubt that there are some rare instances where this has worked out and the couple is now happily married with three kids and a dog and a white picket fence. That's not inappropriate at all and could happen in a nice way without putting her in an uncomfortable position. Theres also no way to guarantee itll go smoothly (he could say no, or you could go out and it could be disastrous), so if thats going to keep you from shopping there, youve got to decide which you want more: the possibility of a date with him or the certainty that you can continue comfortably going to that store. I know I have a weirdly strong opinion on this, but no. Well, we have to also figure out if the customer service involves tipping or not. Result: He emailed me that night, and we struck up a friendship, but never dated. Please have some respect and let me have my JOB as a safe space! If she does just ask her if she'd ever consider having coffee with you. her safety and comfort was maintained by having someone she knew and was familiar with approach her discretely. It has to be something any random girl would find enjoyable all by itself even if you weren't involved. The cashier will not be creeped out by this approach and can indicate her receptiveness in how she responds to this no-pressure overture. I suspect answers can be highly different depending on the cultural context. Also OP, I wonder if you have looked for him on online dating sites? A Woman, traveling alone!!! Seriously. maybe?? Every week, she would buy a bunch of corn and talk to him. a silly or gross pickup line, or outright propositioning) and a simple asking out (e.g. Unfortunately theres always the potential that someone could turn into a stalker. Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. I think they key with both couples is that there were adults and past the minimum wage jobs. We started small-talking (weather etc.) For instance - southern Europe here - to me it's perfectly acceptable to engage in small talk with the cashier. I don't want to creep her out or make her uncomfortable, but I don't see her anywhere else to ask her. how do I avoid mom energy with my younger employees? A boy can regenerate, so demons eat him for years. Too much overthinking going on here. Most importantly, if you see that she doesn't want to engage in a conversation with you, do not insist. If I get friend but not relationship vibes, then I can always invite them out to social outings in a group in the future! I thought that died out years ago. So, to answer your question if you know that people are male, then refer to them as male: Gentlemen, Sirs, Guys, or whatever suits the occasion best. when Im meeting someone new. I was the only female that worked there, and getting hit on generally happened in two categories. This x a million. Clearly your girlfriend didnt know you were doing it. In your case, if she declines, you must never mention it again and pretend like it never happened. One creative way to ask out a cashier is through lindy hop dancing. Show interest and respect, compliment the cashier, and then invite them out. I know people who have met because they ride the same train to work every day or theyve attended the same sporting event. Stay positive and move on quickly. To the owner of the shop. Many of the people who perpetrate this type of thing wholeheartedly believe that theyre having a fun, reciprocal conversation while the target is thinking, oh my god, Im not allowed to stop being nice to this person but ewwwwwww.. This is bad enough in public, but its a bit worse if youre being put in that situation at work. Remember that she has to be somewhat friendly with you, don't force her to behave friendly against her will with someone she sees as a creep. If you dont hear from him in a week oh well. Seriously, how do you ask out a cute cashier (F) without being "that guy"? And there's the factor that when men are hurt, they sometimes hurt back. I definitely agree with all of the suggestions about keeping casual and low-key and, if he turns you down, continuing to interact with him as though nothing happened. I tried to give it an international flavor (ie, here it's generally OK to make smalltalk or jokes if time allows, but that's not the same as asking her out). Honestly, Id rather be hit on in a low-key non-awkward manner than asked out in an intense, awkward way. and in that case, don't answer in a way that creates the expectation. Meeting someone at a party (or going to a movie, while were on the topic) are not especially good first dates when youre attempting to get to know someone better. I can find out though and that might make things a little less fraught, dynamics-wise, if he is. Its not *dating* phobia per se its management phobia. Just because you would find it flattering doesnt mean the service worker feels the same. 1. He was confused she asked, Did you really think one person could eat that much corn?. My guess is that the OP is a man, simply because men (of all orientations) are more likely to hit on service employees than women are. But I didnt love YOU. I hated that aspect. And yes, some people take outright rejection very badly. An intelligent woman shouldnt have a problem meeting a prescreened stranger in a public place without having to take friends a family on the date. Its a very weird situation and I agree with you that I need to speak with him outside of work in order to figure out whats going on. By the way, having this sort of opening is a big reason boys start rock bands. If I didnt think i would get tipped if I turned them down, I gave them a fake phone number and then smiled when they left me a whopping tip behind. Thats great in theory & hopefully one day we get there as a society, but the cold hard fact is that women are so much more likely than men to be assaulted or coerced on a date. My rule is simple. How To Get Resin Conan Exiles? We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. I think as long as its very very casual (coffee date, maybe a museum) and said with a cheerful smile (and maybe a no pressure, I dont want to put you on the spot thrown in there) theres no real harm. Could be Im old-fashioned, but I think asking somebody out can be different than hitting on somebody. He was driving through the parking lot at work, waiting by my car, leaving things at the customer service counter for me like cards, flowers, etc.. it was extremely uncomfortable not just for me but for my coworkers who were forced to be nice to this creep.. and yes, hes certainly a creep. Restarting your mission in Red Dead Redemption 2 is relatively simple, provided you know where to go. My friend once slipped her number to a butcher at a supermarket and they ended up married. Asking is out is just Let me know if youd like to grab coffee sometime. And yes getting asked out does often make me feel uncomfortable if Im not interested. How To Get Dares Of Eternity Lightning Round. To learn more, see our tips on writing great answers. It stops being flattering at a certain point, and even then there is ALWAYS the pressure of Im at work how can I respond in a way that will keep this persons business and not cause a scene and get me in trouble with my boss?. I remember the last time we were shopping at an REI a lady cashier (Im guessing who also assists with the wall-climbing area) was talking to a guy (I think who also works at the wall-climbing area too). The pressure to respond positively to those interactions to avoid A Scene is so high! Back to this cashier girl. Which then bums me out further. If youre looking to get your hands on the Man Catcher in Castle Crashers, then youre in luck! It is so awkward for the person behind the counter on so many levels, and honestly, if it were me back when I was working retail Id be terrified that if I said no, youd do something to get me written up or contact the district manager to get me fired. (Well, I guess it was scandalous when marriages were arranged so okay, normal since women got agency.). It did not go well. Sometimes its just part of the job. Not a library, but Ive worked all over the food service and retail spectrum, including a major event stadium regularly serving 60,000 drunken bros in party mode, and the most I ever got hit on was the 6 months I worked at a Barnes and Noble. By following these steps, youll have gotten yourself one step closer to asking a cashier out! There's no freedom of motion for her. If you put someone in an awkward position by asking them out when you arent really sure if theyre interested, then you probably shouldnt be mandating (even in your head) how they are to respond. Aaron/Erins unite! I got hit on more in 6 or 8 months there than I have in the rest of my life put together. Of course, if she tells you she has a policy against dating customers and you later see her dating another one, don't call her on it. Or you could be lucky and run into her on a bus or somewhere else out of context. There's this cute girl at a local shop that I visit every day. Id love a womans advice on how to go about this, because I want to do it the right way for both parties involved. Id have to look it up, but I think its actually prohibited at the gym I work at to ask out members. And youre right. Id hesitate against saying dont ask the employee out entirely, because sometimes asking someone out can lead to good things, but Id definitely caution against relying only on signals within the store as the basis for his interest. And its fine to say Cool, could I bring my friend Xanthippe? and then do so, check the address and person out beforehand, and bail at any time. He seemed interested until I got a text from him later saying he couldnt make it. Youre not leaping from someone making your latte to a dinner date, AND youre not forcing them to respond right away, you know, when theyre working. What do you think about customers asking you out? Flirting is fun! I put up with flirting from customers at my job all the time because Im in a position where Im being paid to be nice and dont feel like I can shut it down like I would outside of work. I got hit on constantly at this job and hated it, but this guy was different and I always looked forward to seeing him. would come in, sit in your section, chat you up, and if you flirted back they tipped you well but if you didnt, or if you said, I have a boyfriend, you got no tip. Its a numbers thing. Im not saying these were nice guys who decided not to tip if you didnt take the bait, but I couldnt choose who sat in my section I just had to hope they were going to tip me. How To Ask A Cashier Out? Asking while she is serving you as an employee violates empowered because she is effectively cornered: she can't step away, she has to serve you. One day, I put the money in her hand, and tickled her palm. Your best hope here is to have a random encounter with her in a more social setting like a bar, where it is a lot more socially acceptable to offer someone a drink/phone number if they indicate an interest in you. If he calls, you know what to do. however, my friend (who works in retail) asked out a barista who she had a crush on. Only guy Ive ever asked out! That fact can confuse the romantic, so special handling is required. At least if I was cleaning up aisles or stocking shelves, I could pretend to escape into the backroom. Love the cheese fries line. I also had people hang around the cash register after I had finished ringing them up try to continue to talk to me. It was awkward, but I realize now that Im probably better off. I worked both large city and small town shops. I may have spent several hours of my life yelling, YES OF COURSE SHE DOES THAT IS HER JOB at my computer. # Community Guidelines Oy vey! And if theres mutual chemistry, you can always get dinner/drinks/etc. Whatever you do don't follow them after work into the parking lot. I dated someone for 5 years he was a customer who asked me out. This is an advice about how to do it, now keep it mind that people mostly tell you not to do it. I agree that asking someone out can be different than hitting on someone, but for me as a woman in a publicly funded service role (library type work) Im pretty sick of being seen as on display and treated as a piece of meat at a buffet that people can ponder, look at, ask questions too, and ask out. The ones that I find the creepiest start out with, I know Im probably too old for you Being a little bit creepy, is okay, if you can't help it (you should), but don't be a stalker. I mean if I forgot something I wouldve just gone in and said, I forgot this and say my goodbyes again. If she does not react then forget it. I must disclose agenda: I want a world where women are inherently safe and empowered. I think you should go for it. But then even if she says yeah I have to find a way to get her my number quickly. Im in the camp that thinks its OK to politely ask someone out even if theyre working, but obviously many other differ. Even these women who we'd call "easy going" only go for what they feel is biologically safe / sound. It was so non-creepy that I didnt even realize it was a request for a date until the end of the day. We never talked beside "hello". If the cashier is interested in going out, its best to take things slow and get to know each other better before making any big decisions. Right, this proscription would mean nobody in college would ever go to a party. Thanks! Thanks, I agree that being cool about it and reiterating that a refusal is fine is the way to go! Retail employees have to be nice to customers. She thought he was attractive and they got on well. They get stared at & aggressively flirted with on a regular basis. Be casual, play it cool and do not put pressure on it, and Im saying this because I think youll go through with it. I have a fair number of female friends, and many (Id wager most) feel flattered when a man approaches them confidently and in a not-creepy or inappropriate way. If she seems to like the idea, then exchange numbers. Correct. Don't offer compliments, rather, try to just be friendly. Good thing I didnt leave work yet :/. Im sick of this and I dont have to take it! One reason why you hear more and more complaints from women in retail is precisely because they are empowered, not because, as you seem to be implying, that we are all a bunch of fragile, frigid, special snowflakes who want to criminalize all interactions between men and women. I work at Barnes and Noble, and I am shocked at how often I get hit on/asked out. Just be subtle about it and see where it goes. Contact the financial institution that the cashiers check was issued from to find out if its valid. Theres no reason to be too embarrassed to ever return upon rejection unless youre either serenading the guy in a public show, or if you be otherwise dramatic or persistent about it. From a quick skim of the comments, it seems like Im in the minority opinion here (Im a man myself), but two things: 1. Asking a cashier out is not always an easy prospect. The best you can do is wait until you at least know her for a whole lot of time longer and write your phone number down, and the next time you finished your business with her you give it to her with a verbal 'I'd like to get to know you, if you want to, send me a Something like the Pareto Principle is definitely at play here 80% of creepy, inappropriate behavior comes from 20% of the population. There really does seem to be something about the librarian/bookstore girl stereotype, and the kind of men that go for that, that makes things creepy. What should I follow, if two altimeters show different altitudes? ;). No luck again today =( maybe its because I'm actually looking for her as opposed to noticing her when she around.if that makes sense. what can I say to job candidates who are stalking me outside of work? Now Im wishing I were single, just so I could use Call me, you teapot vending minx as a pickup line! WebAnswer (1 of 7): At the Drive thru window, this happened to me many a time & the one luxury I suppose was that they could just speed off in their car afterwards (or I could shut the window). I need her back. Trust me on this, its not good.. It puts the ball in her court, but at the same time provides some asynchronous communication so that she doesn't have to react if she doesn't want to (which is why I said 'don't ask'). Enjoy your time together but make sure that you maintain boundaries; this will help create an enjoyable experience for both parties involved! Asking her 10 times more won't bring a better result. Thank you for the follow-up. Does it really matter if the guy is asking her out because hes acutely horny or just anticipates being horny? Act normal. Shes always at the checkout and never doing stuff like sorting products or cleaning the floor where I could actually ask her out. 2. Move on quickly and dont take it personally. Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, I own a game store with a terrible manager who I'm afraid to fire. Well FWIW, I backed off immediately. A: Rejection can be tough, but its important to accept it gracefully. Your interaction with the cashier is constrained by work rules (she has to be nice to you) and also social norms. Certainly, it can be that way, but to me, Id take being asked out as a form of flattery, even if I wasnt interested. But we're still not clear of the problem of putting her on the spot. We met a few more times for drinks and visiting expos but no further attraction developed, so nothing else happened. Note that I am not recommending you ask her out, just suggesting a way of making it easier for her to say no without either of you losing face. So if you do this, and he says anything thats not an enthusiastic yes, please reconsider shopping there again. Established relationships longer than 6 months posts should go to r/relationship_advice I put the money in her hand, and then she gave change back. is it time to put my employee on a formal improvement plan? Again, only partake this if it genuinely is by chance. If she is interested, she might ask you. Try to engage her when you see her, but just minimally. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. This will make things even more uncomfortable/annoying for the employee and might even cause her to face a reprimand at work if her employer doesn't fully understand what happened. To help you build up the courage to take the plunge, it is important to focus on feeling more confident. August 26, 2005 1:13 AM Subscribe (1) Say something that clearly demonstrates that you like her. and our I took his pointing out hes male as, Hey, Im a dude, so take what Im saying with a grain of salt, but this is what I think, I consider myself a pretty well-centered person. Its great to know that youd be flattered (even if not interested)! You never know how someones going to handle rejection if you dont know them well (and even sometimes if you do). This happens to us (generally speaking; there are certainly exceptions) *so often* that it can feel predatory at our jobs, even if it really isnt. And of course, a lot of people would prefer not to field come-ons while theyre working. Who do I talk to about putting something on the store's bulletin board? with a side of awkward (sorry, I play for team rainbow, but good luck to you). factors in her favor: -she is a very nice, polite person who would definitely have apologized and avoided ever going to that coffee shop again if he seemed offended or creeped out Here are some tips on how to ask a cashier out: Take the time to start a conversation. I worked retail throughout high school and college. Ok but, not so single you out Mia, but how is turning someone down politely not being nice to the customer? If youre going to do this, the leaving your number AND THEN LEAVING, with the expectation of not returning to that business, is the least awful approach. what are the minimum benefits an employer needs to provide? Hes always nice and professional, but makes sure that his suitor knows that he has a serious girlfriend. Can I just work in peace without having to hide from horny men? One night, I got all dressed up (hair in hot curlers and everything) and went to the drive thru to see him. Positive body language like dancing with excitement and enthusiasm helps convey your intentions clearly. Then why the hell were you flirting with me non-stop for days? To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Do NOT make any comments about their physical appearance, that will make it weird forever. About a decade ago, I worked in a store that had mostly male customers. She said yes, and since it was 5PM we shared a glance of understanding for a few seconds. 4 Remember customers' preferences. I may or may not have drunk texted him after that and needless to say, we never ended up dating. I am 21 years old and living in a large city in Germany where smalltalk in local markets is not a common thing. If she can't fit dating into her schedule or budget, if family or social or work issues prevent her (can she date customers?) Is part of the joke that theyre attempting to steal the line from John Carpenters movie _They Live_? I object to singling out women. See thats how it should be and how it generally happens in my world, but Im getting the impression that these days theres a lot more creepy people out there and like I said earlier thats just sad that our world has gotten to the point where people assume the worse first and not the other way around. I understand the situation, and if you really want to know her and you think the signs look good, then I suggest go for it. Most notably, the fireman passed his number through those people to give to her, and left it up to her to contact him if she was interested. Like youre causing major pain to someone by giving them your #. That doesnt mean that I feel the same way having crude comments shouted at me on the street. WebYour a cashier right? Only he didnt stop asking me out. I like some of the advice above with the whole, Im thinking of doing this, maybe you should come join if youre free, and bonus if its with a group. the expected level of anonymity and dehumanization :-) ) it is probably culturally accepted that if the person in front of you is engaging in conversation with the cashier, you politely wait. WebIf a cashier asks out a customer, its easier for the customer to shop at another store or time. Just as fraking capable of taking care of myself as any man ,thankyouverymuch. How To Restart Mission Rdr2? Hello, OP here. If you ever want a tutorial in why this is a Very Bad Idea, go ahead and read the Craigslist Missed Encounters section, particularly the men-for-women. We were both flattered though and it wasnt awkward. (sorry if posting links is not ok; its a Captain Awkward post entitled, Blanket Statement: Stop Hitting on the Waitress so you could google that. -signed, every woman who has ever been accused of leading a man on for smiling at him, listening to him, or not appearing immediately repulsed by him. Manage Settings I avoided the drive thru for a few months after that but when I went back we both just acted like nothing had happened. They are paid to be nice and helpful and to show up where youre shopping if they think you might need help. Check out this blog post for an eloquent statement about this: http://captainawkward.com/2011/07/04/blanket-statement-monday-stop-hitting-on-the-waitress/ But, you know, its such a personal thing, asking someone out. The degrees of freedom available to signify attraction are few. listen to him, and definitely good to go for a free mean with a guy that's not a creeper!! Haha I like that! Additionally, try bringing up topics that have nothing do with romance; discussing something lighthearted may make things less intense and create a more relaxed atmosphere between both of you which could ultimately lead towards a positive outcome! This is while there were a line of people waiting for my attention. Agreed. Scan this QR code to download the app now. With same-sex flirting, I feel like its a zillion times harder. Any bashing, hateful attack I mean the problem is that it happens way more often than you think. I was also wary for the same reasons you are. If she is interested in you and has time, she will probably arrange to come to the event some time and you will see her there. If you really, and I mean really think she's interested (and I mean really, like not in your dreams) slip her a phone number and that's it. When I was in college, I had a crush on my bank teller because I was there fairly regularly and we always chitchatted and flirted. Whoa, is Missed Connections still a thing? I think theres a power differential between the customer and the employee that youre missing here. It shows a level of awareness that not everyone seems to possess in these situations. Thanks for your perspective on this Bri because this is something that I was really wondering about. So, I'd strongly advise against even doing it this way. Don't. Being friendly is literally part of their job description. There's no way to know whether the "signs" you are picking up on are actually sig NB They were both well into their 30s when they met. Its possible that he is burning with desire for you but would get in serious trouble if he asked you out on a date. I worked a lot of retail jobs during middle school, high school, and college, and its unbelievable how many people misinterpret someone being polite and friendly as flirting. My suggestion is to not overthink this or make it overly complicated. Webit takes some time and money to do this.. first come in the shop often (you probably had that part so you can skip that if you like) so she will notice you but yeah.. if she isn't looking at you because she has costumers to help, you still need to get her attention in some way.. you could humiliate yourself by tossing things on the floor or use a Playing offense in Madden 21 takes skill, strategy and knowledge.
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